SHORT STORY
specially written for Darts World by
ANTHONY GREENBANK
OLD Ruby stopped twanging Jakey’s braces, astounded. Ben was so surprised he even took a gulp from the wrong glass – and nearly died.
It was tomato juice.
You could have heard cotton wool drop.
Three in a bed . . .
Twice in a night.
Not by one of your champion television darters giving an exhibition in our local either.
Not unless, that is, Tommy Stephens – ‘Steve’, no less – had been leading a double life.
Steve, who had drilled so many holes in the rubber tyre round the pub dartboard.
Steve, whose darts might hit the lino or the beams.
And yet, to-night, he had sent three arrows into double 19. Not once, but twice!
There was another astonished gasp as Steve won yet another game with a treble 20 and bull.
He glanced at a big, flashy watch we had never seen before. “Time to go,” he said. “Off-peak soon.”
Downed
He downed his pint and was gone.
“What was that all about?” someone said in the mystified silence that followed.
It took two months before we knew. By then you wouldn’t have known our old Steve.
He had won every darts game in sight. Once a reserve for our “B” team, he was now Midlands champion.
His fame spread. Even performed on TV, throwing knitting needles.
Yet we still couldn’t discover what had brought about this miracle change – until that night against The Swan.
Steve suddenly refused to play. Just sipped a lemonade and said, “Sorry, boys, dodgy week.” But an elderly chap at the bar knew.
“One of those, eh?” he said, as the door swung behind our moody champion.
“Yeah?” We waited.
“That watch he’s wearing. It’s bio – bio – ”
“Bionic?” said someone hopefully.
“No, no,” the man said. “Bio–biorhythmic. That’s it! Saw it on telly. A new invention from Switzerland.
“It tells the time same as any other watch, but it’s also set to the date you were born. All those dials on it show when you’re on top form and when you’re not.
“Well, the lad said this was a dodgy week. He knew he’d lose, see, because he wasn’t in perfect nick.”
We tackled Steve, of course, who admitted it. The watch had been a birthday present. It had ruled his life ever since.
If it showed his rhythms were wrong he just didn’t tick. And so he didn’t even try. But when it revealed he had moved on to top form again he had the most amazing confidence – and just couldn’t lose.
Sometimes when the watch showed a low coming up we had to arrange darts matches to fit in when Steve was at peak performance.
Popular
It was worth it because Steve still won.
But it didn’t make the Royal Oak team the most popular in the district league.
Things came to a head one night because Steve was due to play in the Daily Record “Golden Darts” final in London.
We found him slumped over a shandy. “I’m not going,” he said, looking on the verge of tears.
“It’s another low coming up – starts tomorrow. Look.” He moved his cuff back, revealing the watch. “That red dial moving into that space means the biorhythms are wrong for a week. I’ll never win.”
We groaned. It was unthinkable – our pub darts team a laughing stock.
Steve gazed at the watch. Suddenly he brightened. “Hang on, I’m wrong. There is a day in hand. I’m still on top form until to-morrow night.”
The taproom echoed to a cheer. The match was to be played the following afternoon . . .
The Sports Hall arena was packed to the rafters for the big game – dartboard in the spotlight.
Thirty minutes to go and the Oak darts team sat back to watch.
All over bar the celebration pints.
Twenty minutes later, however – still no Steve.
Agony
The minutes ticked on by. It was agony waiting.
Suddenly, as we gave up hope, Steve jumped on to the stage, clutching his gleaming tungsten arrows.
The judges told him he was disqualified – seven minutes late.
You could see Steve couldn’t believe it. “But – ” came his voice through the speakers. He looked wildly at the clock beneath the roof, then at his watch.
We saw him shake it, then place it to his ear. “Blast!” boomed across the hall. “Ten minutes slow.”
ANTHONY ‘TONY’ GREENBANK was a successful author and journalist in the early stages of his career when he this story appeared in Darts World in September 1976.
